The Horrors of Unemployment

Favorite Pictures

deanius — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 00:22:46 +0000

Random Video Clips

deanius — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 23:31:10 +0000

You can’t really tell from this video, but we’re actually climbing a pretty steep hill.

Crazy Drunk Johnny’s last stop on the tour. These monkeys would steal anything that wasn’t tied down.

Walking around Angkor Wat with the Dutch Girls to some crazy traditional Khmer music.

These kids sat next to me on a bus for 5 hours and ate all my cashews.

Look at Michael slapping that ass.

AK-47 in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. For $15 you could shoot a chicken.

The End

deanius — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 11:23:23 +0000

When Scott and I parted ways on January 31st our skin was brown, our hair was long, our beards scruffy, and our need for adventure had been temporarily satisfied. The end wasn’t sad. Scott was off to surf the waves of his life in Indo, and I was headed back to the good old USA. I didn’t really occur to me until I was about halfway through my 30 hours of flight that I was still unemployed and homeless. The reality started setting in and it wasn’t so bad. My Boeing 777 out of never-neverland touched down in Washington, DC and all of the sudden I was surrounded by large, old, white people in suits with serious looks, fancy phones, and laptops. America. I sat down at a Fuddruckers at 9:45 AM and ordered the largest burger on the menu, mashed it, and considered another one. They have McDonald’s everywhere in Bangkok, but that still doesn’t mean you can get a decent burger in that country. It’s wet and cold, my cell phone works for a change. Life was slipping back to normal way too fast like I had just been teleported. I’m the only person in the airport in flip-flops with crazy hair. People are looking at me funny. They should, I look funny.

In a week, my tan will be gone. I will soon have to get a haircut for job interviews. My left flip-flop is on the verge of blowing out. Soon I will not look so funny walking through an airport, that makes me sad. My parents are there waiting for me in the New Bern airport, they too comment on how I look like some islander, and are happy to see me. But not as happy as Kramer, who also gave me a funny look, and then almost wagged her tail through the door.

Another Night In B-kok

deanius — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 06:11:27 +0000

Did I mention before that Scott and I are ballers? The past fews days we’ve been rolling VIP everywhere. It started on the train when they were out of second class bunks so we chose the first class private room over the bench seats. We still ended up slumming it in the dining car, hanging out with some Thai dudes that were getting hammered and didn’t speak any english. Then we roll out to the Muy Thai last night and get front row seats. Expensive, but when else do you have the opportunity to get blood splattered all over your shirt. The fights were awesome. Before the two guys fight, they come out and do this traditional muy thai dance. It is really strange and kind of awkward to watch, because it’s half warm-up routine and half sexy-dance. You’d laugh, but people would kick your ass. There is this crazy, almost Indian music that a band is playing the whole time and picks up as the fight gets more intense, and there are stands packed full of old Thai dudes gambling, screaming, and counting out the knees and punches. The whole stadium could have been from 1960, everything in the place was dirty and worn out. We got there right after the two preliminary fights and watched the main 7 fights. We were both dead tired and full when we got in there, but there’s nothing like people beating the crap out of each other to wake you up. Punches and kicks with the occasional devastating knee or elbow. It was crazy and one of the coolest experiences over here. One guy got hauled off in a stretcher after a kick to the face, and a couple of the other fights got bloody, but my hopes of seeing someones face explode from a flying knee will be delayed until another time. Everybody cleared out after the fifth fight, which was the main event, but we stuck around and watched the last two. The last fight of the night was between these two little boys that were about twelve. It’s kind of strange to see a stadium full of old Thai men gambling on little kids, but kind of awesome too. These little kids could kick the shit out of most of the people I know. How would you like to get your ass beat by a 90 lb. Thai boy? Or better yet, a ladyboy? Jon Conrad was telling us about this Muy Thai fighter a couple years ago that was a katoi, ladyboy. He trained by himself at night, started fighting, and destroyed everyone he fought. All the while, wearing make up, and blowing kisses to his/her opponents after mashing them. It was supposedly very controversial, as Muy Thai is very traditional and in a way, sacred, and this guy was embarrassing the entire community, while winning. He finally saved up all his winnings and got a full sex change, but then he couldn’t fight in Thailand anymore. It sounds like they used it as an excuse to bar him from the men’s league. They also wouldn’t let him fight in the women’s league because it was an unfair advantage, having previously had a penis. So now she/he fights in Japan, and it’s not really fighting, it’s more of a novelty/pro-wrestling type of gig. That is the kind of crazy stuff that only happens in Thailand.

After the Muy Thai fight we were both pretty spent, but rallied even though we’d been up since 5AM. I took Scott to this Irish Pub to quench his hankering for a pint of Guinness. They had this Thai band playing poppy, American cover songs, I never have my video camera on me for the most hilarious stuff. Then we went to check out this bar I had read about in some magazines, and talked to some people about called Brick Bar. Supposedly, a trendy hangout for young Thais hidden underground in the Khaosan area. We found it and it was a pretty awesome place by any standard. It was down a staircase under this hotel and barely had a sign. Once you got in the Thai rock hit you in the face and there were people dancing their asses off everywhere. We were the only white guys in there, people were high-fiving us, and dancing on the tables and waving their arms in the air. The place was all brick inside with no windows, and had an air of an old speakeasy. The energy in there was crazy, it was like everyone was swing dancing, but really badly and didn’t care. We made our way over through the sea of people to the bar, which was almost as long as the bar at the brew station. There was one bottle each of about twenty liquors and then about four hundred bottles of Johnny Walker. I still haven’t figured out why Asians love Johnny Walker so much. It was some of the best music we have heard on this trip, a cultural experience that we both could appreciate, and Scott was about a foot taller than everyone in there. Brick Bar, Bangkok, check it out.

So today is our last, we have to go out celebrate the end, but Scott has to be at the airport at 6AM, so it won’t be too late of a night. I’m lucky, I leave the next day around midnight. I’m sure it will be a really tame night where we turn in early, since there’s nothing really fun to get into in Bangkok.

The Bangkok Blues

deanius — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 05:33:11 +0000

It always sucks to come back to Bangkok. Mostly because your just stopping through to get transported to somewhere much cooler, literally and figuratively. I also get this sweet poison ivy/bed bugs/heat rash thing every time I come back through here, which is awesome. This time however it sucks the worst. It’s my last stop before my 30 hour flight back to the States. Not that I’m dreading coming home that much, well I guess I kinda am, but leaving never-never land to go back and start my all-growns-up job search does not sound like the best of times. But my three month retirement party from bartending had to end at some point, and I guess I have to pay the tab since I wasn’t born a trust-fund baby.

Of course I have three solid days to kill here in Southeast Asia’s city of angels and I’m still whining like a little girl. Fitting since Scott and I are going to be skipping gayly around the city doing all of our last minute shopping for our parents and his girlfriend, and my imaginary girlfriend. Seriously, we are going to hit Lumpini Stadium tonight and sit in the front row for some of the best Muy Thai Boxing in the world. We’re also going to try and track down some good suishi before skipping town, and go to some trendy Thai bars to get away from the stinky, hippie backpackers and see the other side a bit. Let’s just hope they take it easy on the techno. Then Scott’s off to Indo, and I’m off to the bustling metropolis of New Bern, NC to take on my next big adventure, dog sitting. After a few weeks of that I’ll be ready to start my new business venture, Outer Banks Elephant Treks.

The Mighty Jungle

deanius — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 13:00:43 +0000

We rode an elephant today. I don’t get to say that very often. We’ve escaped the party island, spent a night in Surathani, and have arrived in the jungle, our natural habit. We are staying in the Khao Sok National Forest in Southern Thailand. It is hot, humid, and sticky. We’ve been wearing the same clothes for days, and haven’t shaved since…I don’t remember. The monkeys and elephants don’t care, the women might if there were any here. My plane home leaves in four days, this I am not excited about. I’ve started having nightmares about real jobs, my cell phone ringing, and grocery stores for some reason. If this is the last post, you can safely assume I’ve decided to remain in the jungle to live with the animals and hunt tigers, and if you come looking for me bring a straight jacket and tranquilizers.

Scott and I have rented motorbikes again, he has turned into quite the burly, bearded biker on his 100cc Hello Kitty scooter. We’ve opted to cruise around town and take in all the sites instead of the seven hour hikes through the park. They couldn’t guarantee that we’d get attacked by tigers or trampled by elephants so we’ve been cruising and getting in some world-class naps.

Scott had a birthday, it was awesome. We got up at sunrise and did yoga and fasted all day, it was great. The where no pirate ship bars, topless beaches, elephants, motorcycles, or beers involved.

Scott and Dean Chop Off Their Ears

deanius — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 11:30:13 +0000

We haven’t had internet in the last two places we’ve stayed, roughing it I guess. In Bangkok, we stayed with Chris at his apartment on the outskirts and saw the city from a locals point of view. The first night we went out with some of his buddies and saw more of the dark and dirty Bangkok nightlife. Hilarious highlights would be Scott riding the mechanical bull, the glass ceiling, and another urban elephant. The next day we went to get some food and headed to Culture One, Bangkok’s first international outdoor dance music festival. It was a pretty big shindig hosted by Bacardi that had four stages all with a rotating line-up of celebrity DJ’s from all over the world. Scott and I pretty much hate techno music, so we spent our time ogling the thai models working for Bacardi, getting foot massages, and chilling in the food court. It was a pretty cool event to go to, lots of beautiful people, and all the VJ’s from the Asian MTV stations, but after nine hours of electronic music, we were wishing we we deaf. The headliner was an American DJ named David Morales who we were looking forward to seeing on the main stage, but by the time he came on we were over it. He ended up crying on stage and telling the crowd he loved them like five times, and said at some point “this is the best night of my life.” We decided that he was super-gay and should be put down with most other Euro DJ’s.

As if we hadn’t had enough, we hopped on the overnight train headed south to get to Koh Phangan for the “Full Moon Party.” We went down to Haad Rin two nights in a row which was two nights too many. We were again spoiled with beatiful women from all over the world, but I can’t say it was worth the price our eardrums had to pay. About ten serious sound systems with different types of DJ’s lined the half-mile long beach. On the second night, the actual full moon, we didn’t even get to the party until 2AM. We figured we’d sneek in late and see the carnage and try to make it until sunrise. And carnage we saw. There was trash everywhere, people passed out all over the beach, a string of guys pissing into the ocean the whole length of the party. People were doing it in the sand, hippies shroomin’ up on the hill, sketchy thai dudes lurking in the shadows offering ecstasy, and pot being openly smoked like it was Amsterdam. Thai hookers came out of the woodwork, drunk guys were going home with ladyboys, and skinny dippers peppered the urine soaked ocean. I imagine five years ago, Scott and I would have gotten hammered and had a blast and spent the night chasing Aussie and Swedish girls, but it really wasn’t our scene. Maybe we’re getting old, who knows? So now that we’ve had our fill of terrible music, we are going to try and escape this island as quickly as possible.

We are going to head further south and off the beaten path and try and get back into the thick of the fun travel and away from the touristy super parties. Of course, not without motorcycing all over this island first. We saw bizaaro Travis yesterday, it was this guy that looked just like him except he was really tan and had longer sun-faded hair, much like Travis would have looked if he had come along with us for a month. You missed out buddy, you really would have enjoyed all the music we hated.

Tearing Up Northern Thailand

deanius — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 01:27:19 +0000

Scott and I saddled up again on our monstrous 125cc Hondas to roam the countryside. We headed off towards the Golden Triangle on the Mekong River which is where Thailand, Myanmar, and Laos meet. Before we got there we couldn’t help pulling off into the Hall of Opium. The Hall of Opium is a state of the art museum depicting the history and everything else having to do with this addictive derivative of heroin. No free samples, but still an educational experience worth the stop and all profits support local hill tribes. The most interesting fact to me was how the British controlled most of the opium trading with China, exploiting their addictions to finance their own tea trading. Of course that’s the Thai version of the story, but still. Then it was off to the Golden Triangle. Basically it was a giant Buddha in the middle of the Mekong. The Burma and Laos side were desolate while the Thai side is one of the worst tourist traps in Northern Thailand. It was chock full of giant buses and Japanese tourists, so we took a couple of pics and hit the road. That evening we met Johnny. We were planning on taking a boat trip down the Mekong, but Johnny convinced us that it wasn’t worth the 400 Baht , and that we’d seen the sites already, and offered to take us on a tour himself via motorbike through the mountains. He was drunk when he offered, but we made plans to get up with him in the morning.

Johnny is Thai. His wife runs the restaurant he owns, he has spent a lot of time in London and speaks very good English. There was no charge for this tour he was taking us on which made me wonder if he was going to abduct us, or if we were just so cool he wanted to hang out with us all day. Personally, I think the guy will do just about anything to get out of the restaurant and away from his wife. So we met up with Johnny at the bus station around noon. He had clearly been drinking with three old western guys. One guy’s Thai girlfriend had just ditched him and hopped on a bus somewhere, he didn’t seem too concerned. Johnny slammed the rest of his beer and we were off down the road. Lonely Planet advises that only experienced motorcyclists should ride large dirtbikes up to Doi Tung as the roads are very windy and mountainous. We were on two of the crappiest little scooters in town, Scott having minimal experience, and far and away the drunkest tour guide around. He took us to a couple hill tribe villages first where we saw how they grow and trade coffee these days instead of opium. There were still a couple of old timers sitting around chasing the dragon. We sat at a scenic overlook and Johnny told us about the police and military checkpoints we were going to have to go through. We had passed through one the previous day with no problem and I asked him if it would be a problem since he was mao (drunk). He then pulled out a laminated card that read “Special Agent – Tourist Police” with his name and photo. Mai pen rai – no problem. Johnny flew down these roads like he’d done them a thousand times drunk, and Scott and I trailed behind on our little bikes that were struggling up the hills. Better to give Johnny a little distance anyway, right? These roads really made me wish I had my motorcycle from back home. More twisty and more scenic than Skyline Drive, and quality roads too. We made lots of stops, and Johnny had a smoke and a beer at every one. We rode a couple feet from a Burmese border outpost, and then stopped 50 yards down at a Thai border outpost where Johnny told us that we had just crossed the Myanmar border again. From the Thai outpost we could see the opium fields on the other side, and we started into some Thai politics when the Army Captain yelled something at Johnny and he hid his beer. Apparently some members of the Royal Family were coming up the mountain to see the outpost and we passed them on the way out with their police escort and their big, fancy Toyota Landcruiser. Ah, I miss my truck.

After our military excursion with our own police escort, we went to the Royal Villa and Gardens. Johnny recommended skipping the Villa as it was expensive and boring, but going to the gardens. So Scott and I held hands and skipped gayly through the Royal Gardens. Not really, and we weren’t to keen on the gardens at first, but they were pretty cool as far as gardens go. We made a brief stop at a Forest Rark which I guess is Thai for Park, and then on to feed some monkeys. We skipped the last stop, a cave, so that we could make the 5:40 bus back to Bangkok. So with some abrupt goodbyes and some Baht stuffed into a handshake for some of Johnny’s beers later, we parted ways. Easily the best tour guide ever, not the safest, but certainly the most fun. If you’re ever in Mae Sai, stay at Monkey Island, and stick your head in Uncle John’s to find Johnny. Just try to catch him early, and don’t ride on his bike.

So now we’re back in Bangkok. Hopefully not for long and then we’re off top the islands.

Scott and Dean go to Burma

deanius — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 12:21:51 +0000

Mae Sai is on the Burmese border as far north as you can go in Thailand. The town is not much other than a trading post for all sorts of goods coming from China, Myanmar, and Laos into Thailand. Aside from being the only place in Thailand to purchase XXX DVD’s, you can also find all sorts of gems and most goods cheaper than anywhere else in the country. Elaborate carvings from teak wood, gems, and knockoff watches seem to fill most of the shops.

The guesthouse we are staying in overlooks a narrow river called the Mae Nam Sai and on the other side is Burma. Today we actually went across into Myanmar for the day. Arriving by plane in any foreign country is relatively painless as far as customs and immigration and such go. Overland border crossings are exactly the opposite. I guess my experience is limited to Cambodia and Burma, but regardless – pretty sketchy. Once on the other side you’re fine assuming you don’t get shot or kidnapped and that they let you back through Thai immigration. We circumvented this by not getting our passports stamped. If going into Burma is dangerous then going into Burma without any official documents or stamps has got to be one of the more ballsy things I’ve done. Once on the other side you’re in the knockoff capital of the world. Polo and LaCoste shirts for $5. Either these were the best copies I’ve seen or they were the “out the back door” variety, since most clothing is manufactured in China anyway. I almost bought a North Face jacket with with fleece liner for $45. Again, perfect copy or real thing? Anybody’s guess. Lots of swords and daggers, cigarettes, antlers, handbags, sunglasses, fake legos, Harley Davidson crap, generic viagra, and my favorite, “dirty lady boom-boom.” The people were nice enough and noone seemed like they were going to abduct us, but we were barely across the border. So we spent the day at basically the coolest/sketchiest outdoor mall on the planet, had a Myanmar beer and crossed back. Fun? Yes. Dangerous? Arguable. If we had hopped into a tuk-tuk and headed out into countryside in search of opium and hookers – suicide. But we’re back in home-sweet-Thailand, safe and sound.

I’m starting to understand what the crazy-eyed guy in Siem Reap was about. You travel around and your eyes gradually adjust from popping out of your head back to normal. It takes more and more to shock you or take a second look because it all starts to run together and seem normal. I could see how some have to keep pushing the limits and taking bigger risks just to feel like they saw or felt something. For me, Cambodia was enough, Burma was unnecessary. If you don’t quit while you’re ahead at some point, you’ll just end up moving to Columbia, or applying for work in Iraq.

On a side note, morale is good. Scott and I make great travel companions. We both have showered far more than I thought we would, but it is still early in the trip. The north has been pretty awesome, but we’re both looking forward to getting down to the islands. We’re probably going to meet up with his buddy Lockard in Bangkok, some of Eric’s Peace Corps buds, and maybe even Pok or Mr. Hughes. So plenty of good times to come. Neal, hurry up and sell the Rover so I can stay and go to Indo, a great place to learn to surf.

Scott’s First Days

deanius — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 08:55:27 +0000

After a couple crazy Bangkok nights we’ve made it up to Chiang Rai, Thailand. We are only an hour or so from the golden triangle, which is where Thailand, Burma, and Laos meet. At least for today we’ve decided not to sneak into Burma illegally to smoke opium with the hill tribes, and instead have turned Scott into a motorcycling waterfall hunter. From the dirty Bangkok night market to the Northern Thai countryside, it has given me great pleasure to watch Scott’s eyes pop out of his head time and time again. He’s taken to the food quite well too as some people need the comfort of a cheeseburger, or spend their days on the crapper from one too many Thai chilis. All in all, the trip is off to a great start and there should be plenty of great pics to post once we’re back in civilization.